LeeAnna Campbell

balance

to give & take is ultimately the crux of any relationship. i used to
give and give, even when it seemed like i shouldn’t and all my giving
wasn’t altruistic. i gave to give them a reason to stay; a kind of
begging and pleading, showing them what i have to offer, what my
worth is. i’d give and give because i felt obligated to, not because they
said so, but because i felt it! they gave me affection, i didn’t feel
worthy, so i continued to give to feel worthy of that affection. and
when i saw that they were no longer giving, that they didn’t feel the
need to give, i crumbled. i felt my worth scattering away in the wind,
slipping right through my fingers. i want to cling to it but also i
lamented the fact that all my giving wasn’t reciprocated. there was no
balance. the scales were tipped and that discordance, that shift
always marked that it was ending once again. i’d be left alone, in the
dark with no self worth, nothing to balance out the melancholic,
somber depression that laid at bay in my heart. but i’ve grown since
then. i will no longer give more than i’m getting and i no longer feel
obligated to make someone stay or show them my worth because i
truly know my worth now & i’m happier for it.