Danni Beltran

Familismo

“She. Sorry! They.”
Long and drawn out.
Each extra second makes me wish
I could've been born right for you.
Wish I was never born at all

I’ve got family,
Tells me they love me
Tells me they don’t care, it’s just too hard for them to change 22
years of action.

But I’ve got family.
Doesn’t matter if it’s only been a few years.
6 am leaving the Hospital.
4 am car rides ears still ringing
3 am quiet conversations and whispered sleepy goodnights.

We’ve got 12 am arguments and slammed doors
1 am can’t sleep if we’ve got beef.
Slip up and Keep. Going.

Family I went out and found all on my own
It’s a little sad and broken
But I can't really say I’d take it any other way.

“We weren’t raised this way,”
Wish I could dig up my roots.
Wish I didn't want to.
Wish that writing the truth didn’t make me want to—.
Couldn’t even write the word...
Bubbling up inside like a scream.

I’ve got family and then I’ve got Family.
I’m lucky to have both.
I’ve got people who love me unconditionally because of obligation.
Even if I wasn't born right.
Family doesn’t leave family behind.
Even if Dad goes on a 16 year hiatus from being a parent.
Even if you can’t live up to your C-I-S. Cisters.