Cassie Birk
Doomscrolling/Memories of January

I am staring at a blank screen
Flickering
In and out of the black mirror
Helplessness
To the feeling of fading

I remember an evening-
Snow falling onto a gazebo
A cat in my arms

I want a room with a view
Not out to dark windows
Willing take me away
So I won't worry anymore

We both stared out together
Listening to songs in French
Harmonized with purrs

Futile to brighten the monitor, memory
It's emptiness time can't touch
Cracked by stains of history
A promise like ink sealed in a pen
Weight of this void crushing perception
Will I ever experience again?

I remembered then-
A sunset in a gazebo
Large cans of cider
Swans on the horizon

I feel a tic but it means nothing now
It cannot power the screen
Only decay it
I am in this space alone
Knowing I can feel inside it
Because of the need to scream

Taking pause
Remembering-
Helicopter footage again

Beyond that dim surface
Out of the holding pattern
Things change and grow
My space is a placeholder
Place holding a holding pattern
Someone please hold me

As I drank midnight coffee at Village Inn
We talked about violence
The news shouldn't show it like that

I'm so tired